This morning around 4:30 AM I awoke to what sounded like a
person hitting their hands against our door (not knocking, but as thought they
had just run to the door and were only able to hit it once before being pulled
away). I also heard the sound of a woman’s shrill screaming and a man’s voice
arguing and yelling. This was only for a moment though and it was all muffled
by the sound of the soft rain. Flashes of lightening and claps of thunder had
been periodically pulling me briefly out of sleep all night. Plus, I had only
been asleep for about an hour after having spent 45 minutes dealing with two
frightened and crying girls. Although there was now silence, and I am not one
to jump out of bed at every unusual sound, I had the terrible thought of
someone being attacked outside, screaming for help, while I just stayed in bed
because I was too sleepy to get up. Then I heard the screaming and yelling
again. This time I was certain that I was awake and not dreaming. I immediately
thought of our neighbors across the street.
A month or
so ago while talking with one of our other neighbors, she mentioned that the
night previous the woman two houses down had been beaten up pretty bad by her
husband. Apparently she had come running out of the house all bloody, knocking
on another neighbor’s door begging him to call the police. Incidentally this
neighbor apparently has a gun, which he did not need to use that night, but I
am glad that he had in his possession as he is an older man undergoing
chemotherapy and would not have been able to defend himself or the battered
wife. It made me think about the fact that we do not own a gun, but I fairly
quickly decided that I would like to keep it that way. I was glad that our
neighbor let me know about the situation so that I could keep an eye out for
any trouble. I imagined, as I’m sure most guys who enjoy action movies do,
allowing the wife to come into our house as I stood firm in the entranceway
defending her. I imagined having to fight the man and him cowering away once he
met with someone who could hit back.
Nichole
often cringes at my enjoyment of hand to hand combat in movies. It’s not that I
enjoy violence. I abhor senseless violence and am actually very disturbed by
scenes in movies or books where the bad guy kills or harms innocent people. But
“violence” justified by the defense of the weak and innocent or for the
preservation of freedom is something that strikes a cord of excitement and
vindication that resonates to my very center. This is why I enjoy superhero
movies or any book/movie with good guys fighting bad guys. I think the idea of
being a hero; of rising up in a situation where a wrong is being done and
making things right resonates with most people and that is why this is the usual
formula for a good story. I think the ultimate example of a movie that fulfills
my hero fantasy is “Quigley Down Under.” If you haven’t seen it, check it out.
As I am prone to do in any critical
examination of an issue, I started to consider the application of the
scriptures and gospel teachings. The use of physical force to defend the
innocent is amply justified in the scriptures and by the brethren. Think of all
of the battles told of in the Book of Mormon and Bible where the Lord is
clearly on one side. We are told that “if all men had been, and were, and ever
would be, like unto Captain Moroni” (a man who spent his whole life fighting
and killing in the defense of freedom) “then the very powers of hell would have
been shaken forever and the devil would never have power over the hearts of the
children of men.” That’s quite a statement considering the fact that Captain
Moroni was not the most diplomatic guy. He didn’t mince words. He didn’t like
to negotiate. He knew what was right and wrong and he had no tolerance for
those who wanted to call good bad and bad good. His response to the draft
dodgers of his time was capital punishment. His response to the terrorists of
his time was to “arm even the women and children, follow them into their own
land, and give them battle even until they are destroyed from off the face of
the earth.” His response to political leaders who weren’t doing their job was
to “smite them with the sword, so that they can have no more power to impede
the progress of the people and the cause of their freedom.” Imagine such an
approach today. The justification of physical force to defend others is clear.
And
yet…Jesus said, “blessed are the peacemakers”, “agree with thine adversary
quickly”, “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek,
turn to him the other also” ,“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do
good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and
persecute you.” Alma and Amulek submitted themselves to be tortured and then
stood by and watched as women and children were burned. Thousands of Lamanites
willfully lay down before their attackers and were killed, leaving their wives
and children widowed and fatherless. Jesus permitted himself to be scourged,
mocked, tortured, and crucified.
The
scriptures and the teachings of the gospel are full of seeming contradictions
like this and it is something that really fascinates me. It is what I believe
to be one of the “mysteries” of the kingdom that Christ talks about. How is it
that God never changes, and yet things definitely change in regards to what we
are supposed to do? I’ll just throw out a few examples: birth control,
marriage, priesthood, substance use, and gender equality. I believe that God
has always intended for us to have children and provide for them well, to be
faithful in marriage, to honor the priesthood, to keep our bodies healthy, and
for men and women to treat each other with love and respect. However, as I am
reading the Old Testament currently, things were definitely different back
then, as they were different in New Testament times and in the 1800s and as
they are now. I think things just keep getting better and better. That is why
we need modern day prophets. That is why whatever the brethren say today,
trumps whatever someone said thousands of years ago. Maybe in Old Testament
times the adage “spare the rod, spoil the child” was the closest the Lord could
get to explaining the fact that you need to teach your children what is right
and wrong.
That being
said, I think that the use of force and domination to enforce the desistence of
force and domination is inherently flawed. You can’t expect someone to change
by doing to them what you don’t want them to do because 1) It undermines your
moral authority; 2) It leaves them without an example of how to behave another
way and 3) It breeds resentment. This is why I don’t believe in spanking. How
can you teach your child to not hit and yell when that is exactly what you are
doing? Despite what millions of nay saying, stubborn, frustrated and desperate
parents will say, modern day research clearly backs up the fact that spanking
is ineffective. I don’t care if that’s what your parents did and you turned out
just fine. I don’t care if it seems to be the only thing that works. There is
more to raising a child than temporarily extinguishing annoying and troublesome
behavior. I believe there is no more powerful weapon than love. As cliché and
wimpy as that may sound, it is absolutely true. Courage is not punching a guy
out when he gets out of line. Courage is asking how you can help and showing
him that although you hate what he is doing, you love him. It is forgiving him
over and over (at least 490 times) just the way Christ has forgiven you; just
as Christ has forgiven me.
After
realizing that someone really was in trouble, I jumped out of bed and went to
the window. I saw a man yelling and wildly gesturing as a woman cowered at her
door. In a situation like that you don’t have time to really think, you just
react. I quickly grabbed my phone and called 911. I asked Nichole to take the
phone so that I could get dressed and go out there. While I waited for Nichole,
I watched and talked with the 911 dispatcher. Barely 30 seconds passed before a
police car pulled up. Someone else had obviously already called the police. I
told the dispatcher that someone was already there and hung up the phone.
Nichole and I then watched as the police tried to calm the man down. They
eventually left. I think the man went with them. And just like that, it was
over. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt terrible. I wondered if I could
have prevented some suffering by doing something sooner. I thought about the
boys at the shelter and how many of them had to endure more serious situations
of violence and lack of safety on a regular basis in their home countries. I
thought about our girls peacefully sleeping in their room and how I would
gladly give my life to defend them.
After
holding Nichole until she fell asleep, I rolled over and got out of bed. I ate
a bowl of cereal and read the scriptures for a while, then took our dog for her
morning walk. As I came back from the walk, I noticed that the wife was
standing in the doorway of her house. It was very unusual, but I thought she
might have just been looking out to make sure her husband wasn’t coming back. I
approached her tentatively and introduced myself. As I came closer, I realized
that her husband was sitting behind the pillar facing the door. He said, “Am I
being too loud again?” He then recognized me (I’ve talked with him before) and
apologized. He said, “You must have been the one that called the cops. That’s
good. I understand why you did. I’m not going to yell anymore, we’re just
talking, trying to work things out.” I
said that I just wanted to make sure everything was ok, and looked earnestly at
the wife. It was hard to read her expression but she did not seem to be at all
distressed. I shook the man’s hand and let them be.
I don’t
know this man very well, but I love him. I hate what he was doing, but I love
him and I want him to have the true gospel of Jesus Christ so that he can
change. I imagine he feels terrible about himself. I know that I feel awful
when I make mistakes, when I behave poorly. I don’t know what I can do for this
family, but I want to do something. I want them to all feel safe and free and
loved and full of love. Because that is how everyone should feel (good guys,
bad guys, the weak and the innocent).
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