The Christmas and New Years Post

Hello Family and Friends! (and maybe unknown enemies who read our blog looking for weaknesses they can exploit…) It is time for the annual Christmas letter. It is always an interesting task to reflect on the year and consider what would be of most value to mention. It’s natural to focus on the major events and accomplishments, but often it is the small, every day moments of life that hold the most meaning. We have tried very hard this last year to document both the everyday things, as well as the big events here on our blog. We figure this is probably the most reliable way of preserving our family history. For those of you who are new or who haven’t looked for a while, we hope you come back and check out what we do in 2014. As for 2013, here’s a short recap:

5 things that have drastically changed since this time last year:

1. We have a new member of our family!
2. I am now a fully Licensed Professional Counselor in the grand state of Texas
3. Abi is totally potty trained and talking up a storm
4. Nichole cut her hair and donated her 10 inches to locks of love
5. We completely transformed the downstairs of our house

5 thing that haven’t changed at all:

1. Nichole is serving in the primary presidency and I’m in the ward mission
2. Abi is totally sweet and crazy at the same time
3. I’m still working at a children’s shelter with teenage boys from Central America
4. We love living in Texas but miss being closer to family
5. We are never happier than when we are with each other.

Here’s the old breakdown by person format:

Nichole: Nichole continues to amaze me with her unyielding drive for improvement and her unceasing concern for others. As I am sitting in my pajama pants writing this post, she is out running 9 miles by herself. She plans on doing another half marathon in January. If it weren’t for Nichole we would probably never socialize with anyone, but she does a great job of inviting new couples in our ward over for dinner or setting up babysitting/dinner swaps. Like any good mother, she puts in 13 hour days taking care of the girls. She comes up with creative activities for Abi and reads her lots of books. Nichole and I did a health challenge in Sept/Oct where we tried to do a whole bunch of things every day for about 8 weeks (eat fruits/vegetables, drink water, exercise, read scriptures, etc.). Nichole was practically perfect and we would have won the contest if I hadn’t pressured her into eating apple pie and ice cream one night. She loves watching her shows (right now it’s Once Upon a Time, but earlier this year she was hooked on Monk and Drop Dead Diva). I will join her for Psych, White Collar, or the Middle. It may seem silly to mention these things, but they are the fun little things that make up our days. Nichole will also take on a book occasionally which she whizzes through pretty quick. She’ll then recommend it to me and I’ll finish it a few months later. Two that we both read this year and really enjoyed were “The Invisible Thread” and “The Anatomy of Peace”. I cannot express strongly enough how grateful I am for Nichole. Perhaps her greatest accomplishment this last year and every year is putting up with me in such a kind, compassionate, and patient manner. She is my best friend and I would be lost without her.   

Abi: I don’t think there ever was a father who loved his daughter more than I love Abi (not even Paul Simon). She is my pride and joy. A lot of times while I am at work I will think about her and just smile at how excited it makes me feel to think that I will get to see her and play with her at the end of the day. She is as paradoxically precocious and feral child like as ever. One minute she will be reciting the words to a book or maturely clearing her plate and the next she will be sticking dirt in her mouth or climbing on top of the piano. Perhaps the greatest accomplishment this last year has been her finally remembering how to ask for something that she wants. This is after about a gazillion times of redirecting her, but she is really good at it now and tries it out on all kinds of things. But mostly treats. “Papa, may I have some fruit snacks please?” That’s pretty hard to resist. She is obsessed with fruit snacks and fruit by the foot. We try to limit her to one a day though, otherwise that’s probably all she would ever eat. She loves to read books, and can usually recite the words with just a little prompting. She does so great with Emily and has been nothing but excited to have her as part of our family.   

Emily: This may sound weird, but as Emily hasn’t started talking yet it’s easier for me to forget about her while I’m at work. But when I come home, there she is with her huge chubby cheeks and sweet personality; I pick her up and completely fall in love with her. She is so fun to hold and kiss and tickle and play with. We love her so much and just can’t wait to learn more about her as she starts talking and moving around a bit more. She still wakes up at least once, pretty much every night. I never feel too annoyed though, because she is just so sweet and cracks me up. Emily pretty much has two modes: Happy and Crazy. One minute she’ll be smiling and super chill, then she is squawking, screaming, or flailing around like it’s the end of the world. This is usually because she dropped a toy or wants us to hold her. I think a big part of the reason she wakes up every night and is often a little fussy is because in the short 5 months of her life, she has already busted out 7 teeth! She goes through at least 6 shirts a day because she soaks them all with her mad drooling. She’s taken up spitting as her most recent habit, which has mostly replaced the squealing and squawking. We’re so grateful for Emily, and feel that her middle name just describes her so well. She truly has graced our family with her wonderful little spirit.  

Jeff: Well, what can I say about myself? In less than 2 months I will be turning 30, and I feel like I am having a midlife crisis. On one hand I couldn’t be happier with the circumstances of my life. I have a wonderful wife, two sweet daughters, a great house, lots of good friends and loving family members, a steady job, excellent health, a keen mind, and plenty of opportunities for growth before me. On the other hand, I am often overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and haunted by the thought that I am not just somehow living below my potential, but that I have actually already reached my potential and this is just as good as it gets. Sometimes I think maybe I think too much, but then I think, “Well I don’t think thinking less sounds like a good idea,” so I just keep trying to figure it all out. I seldom stop thinking about what I should do in my career, and I’ve made a few steps forward this last year that I am fairly proud of. As I mentioned before, I am now fully licensed and am therefore eligible to get on insurance panels and collect pay directly for services. I’ve found two different offices where I can sublease on a per client basis, and plan on doing some advertising at the beginning of next year. This is where the feelings of inadequacy come in a lot. Although I have completed my education, supervision, and training; have experience, techniques, talent and resources, I still am incredibly afraid of initiating therapy with someone and them feeling like I just wasted their time and money. It’s a major fear I need to get over, and if I accomplish nothing else this next year, I will be a much more confident and happy man if I can just do that one thing. Thankfully life is much more than just work and I have really enjoyed having a gym pass this last year. I work out a couple times a week and try to play racquetball with a friend of mine every Wednesday. I usually ride my bike and the bus to work, which gives me a chance to listen to my favorite podcast, “Snap Judgment.” I love the show, and listen to a couple episodes each week. I’ve also started listening to TED talks during my lunch break and enjoy listening to BYU speeches as well. Nichole and I played a piano duet in church today, and it reminded me of my love for music and playing the piano. I guess I figured out something to say about myself. I feel like my blurb is getting a little long so I’ll end.

In summary, we really are doing well. We have had a fantastic year in so many ways. We truly feel blessed by our Heavenly Father for the comfort and prosperity that we enjoy each day. As I pondered what I could share as far as our thoughts on Christmas, I looked up a few quotes that would maybe reflect my feelings. I posted those that stood out to me the most as I browsed the web. I just want to say that I love Jesus Christ and am so grateful for his love. As John said, “we love him because he loved us
first” and “greater love hath no man than this, that a man layeth down his life for his friends.” I love Jesus Christ because I know that he suffered and died so that I may be physically and spiritually redeemed. I know that without Him, I would be eternally damned. Damned in the sense that I could not progress. I could not become any better because he is the best. He is goodness; He is light and truth; He is the personification of love. He is the great enabler of change. We may call it lots of different things, but ultimately whenever a anyone improves in some way it is because they have utilized an unseen power that was created through the sacrifice that

Jesus Christ made 2000 years ago. Beyond the atonement of Christ, I am grateful for him as the great exemplar. How much happier I would be if I could always follow his example. If I could be so compassionate and selfless as to “bless those that curse me and do good to those that despitefully use me.” He is the great peace giver. I know that one day he will return and as we often sing, “bring peace on earth and good will toward men.” I know that He knows me; that he knows my name; that he knew me before I came to earth and that he knows me better than I
know myself. He knows who I may become and continues to love me despite my shortcomings and rebelliousness. He is the master physician; the healer of hearts. I know that though his power I can be with my family forever. I am so grateful for him and especially during this wonderful Christmas season. May he find His way into your heart, is my sincere hope. I can promise you that if you do, you will have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Some quotes to think about:

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope

Christmas can be celebrated in the school room with pine trees, tinsel and reindeers, but there must be no mention of the man whose birthday is being celebrated. One wonders how a teacher would answer if a student asked why it was called Christmas.”
― Ronald Reagan

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

“Let the children have their night of fun and laughter. Let the gifts of Father Christmas delight their play. Let us grown-ups share to the full in their unstinted pleasures before we turn again to the stern task and the formidable years that lie before us, resolved that, by our sacrifice and daring, these same children shall not be robbed of their inheritance or denied their right to live in a free and decent world." Winston Churchill Christmas Eve Message, 1941 as printed in "In the Dark Streets Shineth.”

“This Christmas mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love, and then speak it again.”
― Howard W. Hunter

Thankful!

Almost every fall/autumn I get kind of down in the dumps, and overwhelmed by the impending onslaught of holidays, they used to always really stress me out. There was a time when I would become consumed by this "down in the dumps" feeling, and think that it would never go away, and then I started to recognize that it only came about this time of year, every year. So I got used to it, and was always so relieved for Christmas and the new year, when these feelings each year seemed to subside and my outlook became much more bright.

I don't know what different about this year, but for the first time in many years that down in the dumps feeling never got hold of me.  I'm not sure if it was the cause of the effect, but I was overcome with gratitude each and every day. I was/am so humbled as I realize how much I have blessed and how much my Heavenly Father knows and loves me.

We do "thankful leaves" every year, and this year was so wonderful. Abi was able to tell me of her own ideas that she was thankful, (lots of food items, but there were some days that she really surprised me) and I wrote one thing for Emily, which may seem silly, but I tried really hard to think of the things that really make up her life, and her list is probably my favorite one, it is so simple and yet the richest and most profound.

Here are our lists, we tried to do one each day:

Nichole:

Kindness, fruits/veggies, Family, BYU, Icy Hot muscle rub (I sprained my neck, and it was miserable for a couple of weeks), the colors of the rainbow, days off for Jeff, Jeff's job, Our car ( I put this twice), Jesus' Example, A poop cleaning, middle of the night waking husband (there is a story about this one), Running, Nature, My Mom and Dad, Education, Sisters, Hugs from Abi, Seasons, Piano, Family Home Evening, The spirit that helps me feel peace and happiness, Prayer, Abi, A fresh start every dady, My 5 senses, Laminate Flooring, A warm bed, Emily,

Jeff

Indoor Plumbing (he put this one twice), Servcie, Abi, Marshmallow Popcorn, My testimony, cereal, clean water, Jesus Christ, Eternal Marriage, Beautiful Art, Modern Medicine, The Microwave, The Plan of Salvation, Health, Emily, Sports, Happy Dreams, Mo, My Mom and Dad, My beautiful wife, Beautiful Music, Nichole and all her amazingness.

Abi:

Coloring books, Treats, Almond Milk, Brownie Treats (any kind of chocolate), Mosey, Grandma/Grandpa, climbing (she said she was grateful for climbing everyday, and then proceeded to climb on top of something), potties, Juice, Joseph (her uncle), the park, stars and leaves, granola bars, A good story ( she really said that), Jenny (Boster), Mommy, Vitamins, our leaves, Seth (Haskin), kitty cats (we have some neighborhood out door cats, and she LOVES going outside to find them and pet and watch them) cereal, Dinner, Apples, George/Sharon (our wonderful neighbors), Milk, Papi (what she calls Jeff now), people giving candy (I think she meant Halloween), Mom ( I made the list twice!) Summer (her best friend), fish (totally random, I think she saw a picture of a fish on a box) and the last one and best one of all, Um Jesus. She thought about it and said, Um.... Jesus. A proud and funny moment, because she says Um all the time now.

Emily:

White noise (helps her to sleep), diapers, milk, fingers (loves to chew on hers and her Papa's fingers), sleep, Papa holding her, her  mouth,  carseat, pacifier, rolling, lullabyes, snuggles, warm clothes, hooded sweatshirts (she looks so cute in hoodies), Teeth (she has 4 now), laughing, crib, her feet, blankets, smiling, her eyes, a warm bed.

As far as the actual Thanksgiving Holiday, it was probably the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. I ran a 10k (like I just went out by myself and ran 6.2 miles with a friend), we all went out to a field at the Dental School and watch Jeff play football for 2 hours, then came home and the girls slept while we cleaned and finished up some food for Thanksgiving Dinner. Then we went to our friends the Bosters, and it was the most delicious and nicely arranged dinner ever. Then we played games and watched Elf, and ate too much pie. And Jenny's family had a tradition of if you could write 200 things, you got to choose a candy bar, so of course we had to do that, and got some pretty fun and wonderful lists of things we are grateful for. It was amazing, at some points it was hard to think of more things to write, but then towards the end I could have kept going.

Here we are at the Bosters, pre-stuffing ourselves

Friday, we put up our tree and decorations. I am so glad we don't have too many decorations, it keeps it simple, but any Christmas decorations make it just seem so magical. 

On Saturday we went to the Alamodome to see UTSA Roadrunners play Louisiana Tech in football. We got there right before the marching band, which was by far my favorite part. It was fun, and Abi had a blast.

Hehe, I captured Emily puking on Jeff, and his look of chagrin!

And here's a picure of Jeff and Abi, with Abi's "I love my Papa" shirt

Emily Solo Time

I'm thinking, since Abi got tons of solo posts, Emily can have a couple too, right?

We don't take as many pictures of Emily, but we do try to capture the best ones. Every time I change her clothes I think, " we have got to capture this chub!!!" And we finally did.

She also has the softest, and most feminine blondish brown eyelashes. They aren't thick and dark and long like Abigails, but they are so pretty, and so Emily! Sometimes I am so amazed by her individuality. To me, Abigail and Emily couldn't look/be more different, and I am so happy about it. Why do I keep thinking they should be more alike?  I don't know. All I know is that they are perfect! 

Emily may have rolled for the first time this weekend!  But I'm not sure. Both times, I laid her on her back on a blanket on the rug and then went into the kitchen, and like 2 minutes later she was squealing like usual, and  when I went to check on her, she was like 3 feet away, and also on her tummy. But then I put her back on her back and watch her for like 5-10 minutes, and nothing! I think the first time she may have been helped by Abi, but the second time, Abi was with me the whole time.  ***Update, this has only been a draft for 2 weeks, but she is now totally rolling, both directions, and getting close to sitting up independently. And she now has 4 teeth. And weighs almost 20 pounds!

And my favorite part about Emily: her laugh. 

4 months

Emily is 4 months old.  It goes so fast.

4 things we love about Emily:

1. She will wrap her arms around our neck when we pick her up and it feels like she's hugging us. It is absolutely the best.

2. She is hilarious. She has the funniest facial expressions/ personality. She will be so calm and content for hours, but once she starts fussing, if you don't attend to her right away it's like she gets offended and then it is really hard to calm her down. And has started squealing and shrieking which is something Abi never did. It is very fun.

3. It's hard to tell whether she's a Mama's girl or a Daddy's girl yet. But whenever Jeff is in the room she never takes her eyes off of him.

4. Okay, I'll admit it. I love her rolls. I know we always comment on her chubbiness, but I just can't get over it. She is so cute.

Halloween

We had a fun candy filled Halloween. Enjoy the pictures. We dressed Abi as Aby Cadabby for our ward Halloween party on Wednesday, and then Tinkerbell on Halloween. We dropped the ball for Emily, but at the last minute on Thursday my friend had a baby cinderella costume we threw on her and took a picture. If anyone has some great ideas on how to deal with all the candy, let me know. This year we had "Halloween weekend", where we let her candy at snack times and it ended today and we threw the rest of the candy away, because "Halloween Weekend" is over.  Happy Halloween.

Sleep, parenting,and letting go of expectations

I swear I was a better parent before I had kids! I always knew just what to do, and what the parents I was criticizing (in my head) were doing wrong. I know. I was horrible. Or even when we were absolutely blessed with an amazing sleeper in Abigail, I somehow thought it was because I was a super great Mom! Well, don't worry I have received what was coming to me in the form of first a colicky newborn, and second a toddler that refuses to sleep at all costs. Whether it is a just a two year old exerting her authority and refusing to go to bed, or a sudden bug phobia in the middle of the night, or a thunderstorm, or having to get up multiple times in the night to go to the bathroom, and then not being able to fall back asleep, Abi has really given us a run for our money. Even two months ago when she was having a little trouble, I would have been able to give you advice on how to encourage your child to get good sleep by using a sticker incentive chart. Now that sad sticker chart (still on Abi's wall) and all of the hopes of a good night's rest for all of us remain unfilled. I have racked my brain on what to do, and what I have done wrong with Abi for this to be happening (couldn't spend too much time there, though) and nothing has really changed. I know that one day Abi will sleep in her bed and make it through the night, and this will all be a distant memory.  I am ok with not getting awesome sleep (and am so grateful for Jeff who takes turns with me) and I feel like all of the varied experiences with both Abi and Emily are making me into a better person and helping me be more flexible and focus on the most important things in life, and giving me more patience. At least most of the time I am ok with it. But I had to let go of my expectations first. Expectations are wonderful, but when they get in the way of you finding the blessing in your current circumstance, that is when you just need to let them go.

Pumpkins

Last year we went as a family to a little pumpkin patch hosted by a Christian church here, and my memories of that day are so fun. Abi was at such a cute stage, and was so easy to manage. Jeff and I were getting plenty of sleep, the weather was beautiful, I was probably in the best shape of my life ( it was not too long after my marathon), and pictures turned out so beautiful, and I keep one on my fridge because I love them so much. So this year we let time slip away from us, and finally made it out after naps last Saturday. Boy it was a different experience. We had not slept the night before (sleep really has become a rare thing around here), it was hot, and Abi was so hard to manage, needed to go potty right when we got there, it stunk like rotting pumpkins, and Emily kept spitting up everywhere, and eventually became fussy because she needed to sleep again. Whew!   I think you can tell by our forced smiles that taking two kids (one of whom is 2) to events and trying to get a decent pictures takes alot of the fun out of things. It was a little comical as you could see pretty much every family there going through the same thing.  We did manage to get some pretty cute ones, that I will probably create an idealized memory from and want to go again next year by the time October rolls around again.

 Okay so this picture is an epic fail, but I had to include it, because it's pretty hilarious.Emily is so huge in comparison to Abi (and it's not really like Abi is small). We put emily on Abi lap and told her to hold Emily and she usually is very sweet and responsible. This day she totally just let go of Emily. So this picture is of Emily holding herself up just because of her sheer size. Don't worry, I came to her rescue.

And our carved pumpkins! We got them from a food co-op this year, and they were cheap and perfect. Not to thick so they were pretty easy to carve. I got the idea from Pinterest to use metal cookie cutters to hammer shapes in the pumpkin, and it was AWESOME. So easy, and it turned out pretty cute, I think.

Goal: Complete

Two years ago around Christmas time, we answered some questions for Jeff's sister to put in a photo book for Jeff's parents. One of the questions was about goals we'd like to accomplish in the next year. I said, doing big batch freezer meals cooking, donating my hair, and running a marathon. Once I set a goal and really commit to something I really hate to not follow through. I ran the marathon and did the huge batches of freezer meals. And now, finally almost 2 years later my hair was long enough to donate. My hair grows slow. So here it is. 

Before the cut:

 After the cut

It took a long time to grow, and just like that it is done. I love the short easy hairstyle. As part of growing my hair longer than I have ever had it before, I wanted to try to get better at styling longer hair. So, I taught myself how to curl it with a straightening iron, and a couple of simple updos. It was a great experience.  Both with my marathon and this experience, I have found a lot of joy in pushing myself to new heights, and achieving my goals. In this era of  vanity and pressure on women to look/be a certain way I have found it really liberating to set goals for my body that don't have image around the center of the goal. I really feel like our body is a blessing that is to be enjoyed and taken care of and used to bless other peoples lives as much as possible. I used to engage in this vicious cycle of agonizing over that way I looked, (or rather the way I didn't look) and trying to find a way to make myself look like something else. Somewhere along the way I realized that no matter what I do, or what clothes I wear, or what hairstyle I have, I will still look like me, and so I had better learn to like me for me or else waste my life wishing I looked like someone else. 

What it Means to be a Real Hero

           This morning around 4:30 AM I awoke to what sounded like a person hitting their hands against our door (not knocking, but as thought they had just run to the door and were only able to hit it once before being pulled away). I also heard the sound of a woman’s shrill screaming and a man’s voice arguing and yelling. This was only for a moment though and it was all muffled by the sound of the soft rain. Flashes of lightening and claps of thunder had been periodically pulling me briefly out of sleep all night. Plus, I had only been asleep for about an hour after having spent 45 minutes dealing with two frightened and crying girls. Although there was now silence, and I am not one to jump out of bed at every unusual sound, I had the terrible thought of someone being attacked outside, screaming for help, while I just stayed in bed because I was too sleepy to get up. Then I heard the screaming and yelling again. This time I was certain that I was awake and not dreaming. I immediately thought of our neighbors across the street.

            A month or so ago while talking with one of our other neighbors, she mentioned that the night previous the woman two houses down had been beaten up pretty bad by her husband. Apparently she had come running out of the house all bloody, knocking on another neighbor’s door begging him to call the police. Incidentally this neighbor apparently has a gun, which he did not need to use that night, but I am glad that he had in his possession as he is an older man undergoing chemotherapy and would not have been able to defend himself or the battered wife. It made me think about the fact that we do not own a gun, but I fairly quickly decided that I would like to keep it that way. I was glad that our neighbor let me know about the situation so that I could keep an eye out for any trouble. I imagined, as I’m sure most guys who enjoy action movies do, allowing the wife to come into our house as I stood firm in the entranceway defending her. I imagined having to fight the man and him cowering away once he met with someone who could hit back.

            Nichole often cringes at my enjoyment of hand to hand combat in movies. It’s not that I enjoy violence. I abhor senseless violence and am actually very disturbed by scenes in movies or books where the bad guy kills or harms innocent people. But “violence” justified by the defense of the weak and innocent or for the preservation of freedom is something that strikes a cord of excitement and vindication that resonates to my very center. This is why I enjoy superhero movies or any book/movie with good guys fighting bad guys. I think the idea of being a hero; of rising up in a situation where a wrong is being done and making things right resonates with most people and that is why this is the usual formula for a good story. I think the ultimate example of a movie that fulfills my hero fantasy is “Quigley Down Under.” If you haven’t seen it, check it out.

            As I am prone to do in any critical examination of an issue, I started to consider the application of the scriptures and gospel teachings. The use of physical force to defend the innocent is amply justified in the scriptures and by the brethren. Think of all of the battles told of in the Book of Mormon and Bible where the Lord is clearly on one side. We are told that “if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Captain Moroni” (a man who spent his whole life fighting and killing in the defense of freedom) “then the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever and the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.” That’s quite a statement considering the fact that Captain Moroni was not the most diplomatic guy. He didn’t mince words. He didn’t like to negotiate. He knew what was right and wrong and he had no tolerance for those who wanted to call good bad and bad good. His response to the draft dodgers of his time was capital punishment. His response to the terrorists of his time was to “arm even the women and children, follow them into their own land, and give them battle even until they are destroyed from off the face of the earth.” His response to political leaders who weren’t doing their job was to “smite them with the sword, so that they can have no more power to impede the progress of the people and the cause of their freedom.” Imagine such an approach today. The justification of physical force to defend others is clear.

            And yet…Jesus said, “blessed are the peacemakers”, “agree with thine adversary quickly”, “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” ,“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Alma and Amulek submitted themselves to be tortured and then stood by and watched as women and children were burned. Thousands of Lamanites willfully lay down before their attackers and were killed, leaving their wives and children widowed and fatherless. Jesus permitted himself to be scourged, mocked, tortured, and crucified.

            The scriptures and the teachings of the gospel are full of seeming contradictions like this and it is something that really fascinates me. It is what I believe to be one of the “mysteries” of the kingdom that Christ talks about. How is it that God never changes, and yet things definitely change in regards to what we are supposed to do? I’ll just throw out a few examples: birth control, marriage, priesthood, substance use, and gender equality. I believe that God has always intended for us to have children and provide for them well, to be faithful in marriage, to honor the priesthood, to keep our bodies healthy, and for men and women to treat each other with love and respect. However, as I am reading the Old Testament currently, things were definitely different back then, as they were different in New Testament times and in the 1800s and as they are now. I think things just keep getting better and better. That is why we need modern day prophets. That is why whatever the brethren say today, trumps whatever someone said thousands of years ago. Maybe in Old Testament times the adage “spare the rod, spoil the child” was the closest the Lord could get to explaining the fact that you need to teach your children what is right and wrong. 

            That being said, I think that the use of force and domination to enforce the desistence of force and domination is inherently flawed. You can’t expect someone to change by doing to them what you don’t want them to do because 1) It undermines your moral authority; 2) It leaves them without an example of how to behave another way and 3) It breeds resentment. This is why I don’t believe in spanking. How can you teach your child to not hit and yell when that is exactly what you are doing? Despite what millions of nay saying, stubborn, frustrated and desperate parents will say, modern day research clearly backs up the fact that spanking is ineffective. I don’t care if that’s what your parents did and you turned out just fine. I don’t care if it seems to be the only thing that works. There is more to raising a child than temporarily extinguishing annoying and troublesome behavior. I believe there is no more powerful weapon than love. As cliché and wimpy as that may sound, it is absolutely true. Courage is not punching a guy out when he gets out of line. Courage is asking how you can help and showing him that although you hate what he is doing, you love him. It is forgiving him over and over (at least 490 times) just the way Christ has forgiven you; just as Christ has forgiven me. 

            After realizing that someone really was in trouble, I jumped out of bed and went to the window. I saw a man yelling and wildly gesturing as a woman cowered at her door. In a situation like that you don’t have time to really think, you just react. I quickly grabbed my phone and called 911. I asked Nichole to take the phone so that I could get dressed and go out there. While I waited for Nichole, I watched and talked with the 911 dispatcher. Barely 30 seconds passed before a police car pulled up. Someone else had obviously already called the police. I told the dispatcher that someone was already there and hung up the phone. Nichole and I then watched as the police tried to calm the man down. They eventually left. I think the man went with them. And just like that, it was over. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt terrible. I wondered if I could have prevented some suffering by doing something sooner. I thought about the boys at the shelter and how many of them had to endure more serious situations of violence and lack of safety on a regular basis in their home countries. I thought about our girls peacefully sleeping in their room and how I would gladly give my life to defend them.

            After holding Nichole until she fell asleep, I rolled over and got out of bed. I ate a bowl of cereal and read the scriptures for a while, then took our dog for her morning walk. As I came back from the walk, I noticed that the wife was standing in the doorway of her house. It was very unusual, but I thought she might have just been looking out to make sure her husband wasn’t coming back. I approached her tentatively and introduced myself. As I came closer, I realized that her husband was sitting behind the pillar facing the door. He said, “Am I being too loud again?” He then recognized me (I’ve talked with him before) and apologized. He said, “You must have been the one that called the cops. That’s good. I understand why you did. I’m not going to yell anymore, we’re just talking, trying to work things out.”  I said that I just wanted to make sure everything was ok, and looked earnestly at the wife. It was hard to read her expression but she did not seem to be at all distressed. I shook the man’s hand and let them be.

            I don’t know this man very well, but I love him. I hate what he was doing, but I love him and I want him to have the true gospel of Jesus Christ so that he can change. I imagine he feels terrible about himself. I know that I feel awful when I make mistakes, when I behave poorly. I don’t know what I can do for this family, but I want to do something. I want them to all feel safe and free and loved and full of love. Because that is how everyone should feel (good guys, bad guys, the weak and the innocent).  

Normal life update

Our little Emily is growing up! This post is a huge photo dump. But I want to kind of catch up.

 Emily is super sweet. She likes the Bumbo. She is so fun and squishy, and soft. I love her. She loves diaper changes, and always grabs onto my fingers so tight. She has the cutest little vocalizations, and her cry is starting to sound more like Abi's. (or like the way Abi's used to sound, her cry is now a horrific forced ambulance siren... it's horrible and fake) She is currently in angel baby stage, and we can't get enough of her. She loves to chew on Jeff's knuckles. and still is so calm amidst all of Abi's bombardments. Except for when it really hurts, like when Abi pokes her in the eye, or smacks her in the face with a book, or gags her with a toy flag, or lays on top of her, or bites her fingers. Yikes, poor Emily. I promise I try to protect her.

I feel like I am finally out of survival mode, and have found my new normal. It involves lots of messes, and perpetually being un showered and late, but I guess I have gotten used to it. It's not all as bad as I'm making it sound.

 We have been to quite a few fun birthday parties lately, and Abi loves them. She thinks "Happy Birthday" is a term of endearment, and all the time will go up to Emily and say "Happy Birthday Emily! Happy Birthday!" She also one day said, "Mama, I'm 2. Emily's 1." Smart girl, except for Emily is 0, for now. Well really more like 0.3, but we're saving fractions and decimal points for next year.

 Emily has the cutest little santa belly in the whole world. And the most beautiful eyes and smile.

 And Abi currently is in  a terrible two phase, and it is exhausting and I feel overwhelmed. The hardest part for me is just make sure that our relationship doesn't suffer. I have to redirect her SOOO much, that I have to really make an effort to find time to show her love and positive attention. It is so hard.

 We have been doing a series of Book Of Mormon Stories lessons for FHE, based off of the Primary song. We have learned all 8 verses. This pictures is from the 2 thousand stripling warriors story. We dressed up in our armour and had a battle.

 Watching the neighbors kids, and all the kids had to sit in their car seats.

 We have been doing a health challenge, and this was one of our free days. We went to Cold Stone Creamery and lived it up! Ice cream has never tasted so good/ made me feel so disgusting in all of my life! By the way, we took 2nd in both Health Challenges we participated in and both of us lost around 10 pounds! Woo hoo!! Jeff thinks he is in the best shape of his whole life. Yay, go Jeff!

This girls is getting more and more upright! She loves to sit up and be held. I need to savor this stage, but it is a bit awkward. She prefers to sit up, but cannot sit up by herself, so it means lugging around an 18 pound baby all day long! Oh and I need to document she is wearing 9-12 months clothing. She'll be 4 months in a couple days.